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Ambivalence

Published on
Muhd Rahiman · 4 min read
opinion
psychology
tips

Something that I've wanted to rant about and get out of my chest for quite some time:

I am deeply aware that some felt insecure and somewhat intimidated by my recent streaks of productivity and achievements that I often share across my social media platforms.

There were times when I had second thoughts on whether I should share what I've done and accomplished out of fear that I may come across as snobbish and arrogant, even though that was never my intention, to begin with. At all.

It got to the point where the guilt was so overwhelming that I had to issue an apology to those who were affected or weren’t feeling comfortable after hearing my good news.

But after days of self-reflection and pondering, I concluded that I shouldn't apologise. That, I shouldn't be culpable for how people (mis)interpret my intention. I have every right to share what I want on this platform and if it's not your cup of tea, so be it.

Of course, to some extent, I emphatise to those who felt that way. I too occasionally feel intimidated and insecure about what some of my peers had achieved. Peer pressure at its best. But rather than drown me in envy, I perceive it as a form of motivation.

For instance, I was envious of the fact that some of my peers and even juniors already developed their portfolio websites. That made me feel lagged. But instead of being spiteful about it, I take it as a stimulus that inspires and challenges me to do the same.

I believe that one of the signs of emotional maturity is being able to set aside your ego and celebrate the success of those around you, rather than becoming mired in negative thoughts and blaming the world for making you feel shitty about yourself.

The ability to handle conflict of emotions — being genuinely happy for others while pushing past your setbacks — is a level of maturity very few people managed to unlock. I feel that if seeing others succeed makes you unpleasant, you should get yourself checked.

Instead of looking at others' success as magnifying your failure, take it as proof that you can also get there. Think of it as a source of inspiration. 

Trust me, it's much easier to coexist with other people when you stop treating life as a competition and a zero-sum game. 

Finally, here are a few takeaways I want you guys to know:

  1. There will always be people who won't share the same enthusiasm as you are when you reach the top. Remember, if they're not supporters of your success, they were not worthy colleagues or true friends, to begin with.

  2. You should never have to make excuses or apologise for your success! Don't be lulled into a false sense that the world owes you something.

  3. Everyone has the opportunity to be successful without stepping on each other’s toes, especially family and friends. People who think otherwise are the very reasons why this world is unjust as it is.

  4. The type of energy we put into this world usually dictates what we get out of it. So, try to live a Zen lifestyle filled with mindfulness and always send out positive vibes.

To end this late-night Ted Talk, here's a wonderful quote I learnt from someone I met when moderating a forum: 

"We are not affected by events, but by our opinions of them. The events are neutral, we are the ones that give them meaning.