It’s Eid and one of the most popular questions young adults such as myself will most likely get asked during this festive celebration is the infamous “Bila nak kahwin?” or “When are you going to get married?”.
Some will find it (understandably) insensitive and rude, while others (including myself) will slowly but eventually recognise it as merely an innocent banter and conversation starter, especially by the elderly. Regardless, the ensuing debate on which perspective is right is almost a guaranteed recurring topic on Twitterjaya every year.
However, while I don’t mind said question being asked to me, the one question (or rather, a series of related questions) that I do mind and don’t expect to be asked almost incessantly is about my job, career and salary.
Perhaps it’s a bit misleading to claim that I didn’t expect to be thrown questions surrounding these topics, especially considering that I’m still relatively new in joining the workforce. So, of course people will be naturally curious to know the details, even if they sometimes come dangerously close to entering busybody territory.
But even after a year of losing my status as a student, not only do these questions still remain, but they also get asked more frequently and sometimes accompanied by a certain tone or ulterior motive.
If I get RM10 as angpao (something I, unfortunately, had to bid farewell to the moment I receive my first paycheck) for every time someone brings up a certain lanyard company, their so-called 7-month bonus and why I never bothered to apply for a job there, I’d be close to RM100 richer.
Notable mentions include direct inquiries about the exact figure of my monthly salary, what I do in the company, how long am I planning to stay and whether I have any plans to jump ship. On the latter, some even offered unsolicited advice encouraging me to pack my bags at the earliest convenience.
Before anyone starts to lash out at me for being a stereotypical Gen Z snowflake (even though I’m only borderline Gen Z), I genuinely tried my best to assume that these queries are derived from curiosity and good intentions. After all, I only flew back home twice a year since I started studying at UM. So as I said earlier, it’s unsurprising that my relatives and friends would want to get up to speed with my life updates and probe into my work life.
But with each passing question, they slowly begin to feel more like an interrogation, to the point where it starts to fuel my insecurity and casts doubt upon my pride towards my job.
Rhetorically speaking, I’m not sure if I’m the only one within my age group who experiences this. When I landed my first job just over a year ago, I felt like it was as if I was living my dream life; working in a well-known MNC, living alone in a high-rise condo. I was content and proud of the product of years of hard work. I know I shouldn’t be too comfortable or be lulled into being complacent, but everyone deserves to celebrate and enjoy the fruits of their own labour once in a while.
But after getting endless questions about my career, I’m starting to question my life standings. Maybe there isn’t much to be proud of. Maybe I am underpaid or not earning as much as some of my peers. Maybe my success is inferior to others. Perhaps I was stuck in my bubble all this while, thinking that I was on cloud nine when in reality it’s probably just cloud seven at best. And my fluctuating imposter syndrome doesn’t help and only exacerbates the situation.
Basically, I’m starting to second-guess everything I have now and that’s just not ideal. It’s too early to have a mid-life crisis.
Yes, I’m aware I should be immensely grateful; that goes without saying already. But such is the embodiment of the adage that says comparison is a thief of joy and death of true self-contentment.
You see, I staunchly believe that comparison is inherently inevitable. As a communal species, it is nearly impossible for us to not compare ourselves with either our predecessors or our contemporaries. Comparison is one of the ways of gauging how far we’ve gone relative to others. But when done excessively and aimlessly, it can literally steal us away from satisfaction with our own life, providing us with a yardstick on the thing we see as desirable.
I abhor the fact that once you start working, your worth somehow almost immediately shifted to be defined by materialistic values and goals, such as how much you earn, how prestigious the company you’re working at, what car you drive (or whether you even purchased one in the first place) and so much more. Most of the time, this happens not out of one's own volition but because of societal/peer pressure. I’m the type who hates and refuses to conform to societal expectations and stereotypes.
Take owning a car for example. Tell me, under whose authority was it to impose such a rule that you must purchase a new car once you start working or otherwise you’d be looked down upon or be raising some eyebrows? Even if you own one, the expectations don’t stop there. It also matters what car you own, so that it befits your pay grade.
These expectations, much like other ill-financial advice encouraging you to take out a loan to buy a house at your 1st paycheck, are what’s strangling our youths.
I, for one, wish that someone would’ve warned me about the impending waves of self-doubt and scrutiny I will face once I step into the so-called adult life. That way, I could at least be more prepared in coming up with some sort of an antidote or shield against such remarks.
Perhaps it’s a bit too late for me, but it probably isn’t for those who are reading this. So, if you’re about to start working soon, remember:
Run your own race, at your own pace. One's growth is not defined by what the public observes, but rather by what you achieved. Yes, there will be times when you will be in my shoes and feel down about how far you’ve fared in life, but try your best to eschew the desire to compare yourself with others.
Instead, be more introspective and compare yourself more to the previous versions of yourself. To insulate ourselves from needing to be as good as, as pretty as, as strong as, as smart, as rich, as lettered as, or as fashionable as other people by shifting the inner narrative just a bit.
As a Muslim, we have to aspire in instilling and possessing the characteristics of qana'ah or the feeling of tranquillity and contentment in all aspects of life within us. A person of qana'ah will not have hasad (envy/jealousy) with people who are given more rizq than him. Rather, he is content with what Allah gives him, and he is also content with what Allah gives others.
“Wealth is not about having many possessions. Rather, true wealth is the richness of the soul.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari 6446]
“If the son of Adam were to possess two valleys of riches. he would long for the third one. And the stomach of the son of Adam is not filled but with dust. And Allah returns to him who repents.“ [Sahih Muslim 1048a]
In the end, all I can say is that while comparison is a thief of joy, you have the power to arrest the thief.
